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What Time Of Year Did You Meet the Parents?
When Thanksgiving rolls around, it means the start of Meet the Parents Season – or at least it does for me and many of you, if my email inbox is any indicator, as well as my own personal experiences. A few years back I shared my Thanksgiving date disaster story (and encourage you to share your own date disaster stories). But my question here doesn’t revolve around bad dating experiences, but rather, when you met the parents.
What time of year did you meet the parents of your current and/or past loves? Did the holidays push you into meeting the parents earlier than you normally would have? I’d love to hear your experiences by filling out the poll questionnaire, or if your situation doesn’t fit the choices, by adding a comment.
Related: Thanksgiving Date Ideas for Couples, Thanksgiving Dinner With Your Partner.
What Time Of Year Did You Meet the Parents? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Sunday, November 13th, 2011 at 00:38:39.
What Are Your Dating Red Flags?
While researching and talking to other dating aficionados about the newly introduced dating boot camp, I spoke with the gent who runs 100RedFlags, a dating blog that discusses “…the small things that women do that drive men away.” [Note: The 100RedFlags site is not work-friendly, and uses language that may offend some readers.]
I plan on covering dating red flags in the boot camp eCourse, so of course I wanted to take a closer look. Many of the red flags already listed I agreed with, such as She Wears a Slutty Hallowe’en Costume. Seems fairly straightforward to me.
But once I looked a bit closer at the red flags listed, I started to get confused. “She Was Homeschooled,” and “She’s Run More Than One Marathon?” “She Carries Condoms In Her Purse,” and “She’s Never Smoked Pot?” Really?
I disagreed with the blog owner, and sent him a note specifically regarding the last “red flag” (not having smoked pot). Here’s his response:
“…absolutely it’s a red flag, and believe it or not one of the ones that we’ve posted/talked about to date is most commonly met with approval amongst guys. It could mean rigid views of the world, it could mean a conservative stance on societal issues. I won’t belabor the issue, but maybe will just make it clear that these things are all representative of potential character and lifestyle flaws that would inhibit a healthy, successful relationship. It’s quite possible one could say she’s never smoked weed and yet can sit across the table on a first date and it’d never even be a thought – but without enough evidence the assumption could still be there and there may never be a date two if women aren’t aware that some men may take issue with it.”
In the hundreds of men I’ve worked with and coached with regards to their dating lives, and the thousands that have emailed me throughout the years sharing their opinions, not once have I heard any of these as issues. The ones I most commonly hear from gents focus on larger personality traits that some might find stereotypical (i.e. acting like a princess or being bossy), or frustration with what they feel is a ‘bait and switch’ (i.e. how you presented yourself isn’t really who you are). Rachel Greenwald, who wrote the book, “Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date” (Buy Direct) found similar themes.
But, you tell me: what are your dating red flags? Do you agree with the ones presented here, or do you have a differing opinion?
For those of you participating in the dating boot camp, looking for today’s installment, here you go: Dating Boot Camp Day One.
What Are Your Dating Red Flags? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Thursday, November 3rd, 2011 at 00:22:49.
Free Dating Boot Camp Announcement
In the four-and-a-half years I’ve written for About.com, I’ve had countless readers ask me to create a free, accessible, uplifting and powerful boot camp -type process. Folks wanted a day-by-day and week-by-week series that they could read anytime, find support from other singles just like them, while learning how to take ownership of their dating lives in a positive way.
I’ve taken your advice, suggestions and ideas, and for the next 90-or-so days, will provide each and every one of you with a daily dose of inspiration and to-do’s. Essentially you’ll become your own dating coach, with some help from readers just like you, as well as experts, matchmakers, dating-advice-giver-outers like myself.
Tomorrow I’ll begin the series, and you can read about it every day in this blog. I’ll post links to read and questions to answer, and you can work through it all on your own time. Subscribe now to the RSS feed so you don’t miss any updates, or switch your homepage to this blog as a daily reminder.
What will you get from this dating boot camp? Here’s an abbreviated list, which I’ll update as we progress through the series. The general intent however is to help single men and women disconnect as much as possible from a previous breakup, whether it was a day or ten years ago, and move into a better, more positive, attractive place so they can meet the person of their dreams.
- Work through any residual issues with past relationships, family, friends and/or loved ones so that you’re ready and able to welcome new love into your life;
- Focus on the positive, without dwelling on the negative or getting ‘stuck’. For those who struggle with the more serious blocks to love such as working through a divorce, and you’ll get lots of guidance as to where to go next, along with suggestions for professional intervention if need be;
- Learn what you really want, need and must have in a relationship, as well as how to meet folks that fit your specific criteria;
- Create a support system both virtually and in real life that will help you to make decisions with regards to love and relationships;
- How to flirt, ask someone out, where to go and what to do on a first, second, third and beyond date;
- Concrete advice dealing with long distance relationships, jealousy, confidence, attraction, safety, gift giving, ex’s, and more;
- Help and specific information for folks of all sexual identities, single parents, divorcees, seniors, teens, and more; and
- How to fight ‘fairly’ and deal with conflict in your romantic and personal relationships.
I’ve created a small badge that you can display proudly on all social media, blogs or your personal website, to share with other folks that you’ve committed to this process. I’ll create something bigger ASAP, but in the meantime, feel free to use this badge, making sure to link back the blog post you’re reading now:
As well, I’m open to suggestions for content to cover in this dating boot camp, so please feel free to comment honestly and openly here and share your thoughts, or email me directly and privately at [email protected].
Ready to start? Here’s Day One.
Free Dating Boot Camp Announcement originally appeared on About.com Dating on Tuesday, November 1st, 2011 at 22:51:53.
Dating Articles You May Have Missed in October
Here’s a list of content you might have overlooked this month. Have suggestions about what I should cover or answer in November? Feel free to submit an idea using the links below, or make a comment at the bottom of this blog post.
Dating Advice
- How To Get Over a Breakup
- Using Props To Attract Someone
- How Do I Ask Her Out?
- Are There No ‘Real’ Dating Sites Left?
- Why Would She Choose a Casual Relationship Over a Serious One?
- Should You Take a Dating Break?
- Long Term Relationship Valentine’s Day Gifts Under $100
Dating Sites
- 2date4love
- Video-Chat-Blog
- Newly Divorced Dating
- Find My Soulmate at MyLoveWebsite
- Ebony Encounters
- Downtown Dates
- Adventure Dating UK
- Add a Dating Site
Dating Site Reviews and Apps
Perfectly Matched Review by Anonymous
xDating Review by Peregrinations
SinglesPlus in Charleston Review by Danielle
Jotpop Chrome & Facebook Dating App
Halloween Dating
Dating Books
Dating Videos
Dating Articles You May Have Missed in October originally appeared on About.com Dating on Monday, October 31st, 2011 at 17:37:58.
Using Props To Attract Someone
I’ve been told on more than a few occasions that Halloween is the best time of year to meet someone. Why? Because everyone in a costume has a built in conversation starter.
So then why not use this same idea and integrate it into our everyday lives? The concept is an integral one to the pickup artist culture (although they call it peacocking), where the person trying to attract someone wears or has on at least one conversation piece.
Which isn’t to say I think you should go all out and become something you aren’t. But at the same time, if you can inject some of the fun and frivolity of Halloween into your day to day life, and it allows you to meet someone truly special, why wouldn’t you try it and see?
Have you ever used a prop to attract someone? Did it work? Why or why not?
Using Props To Attract Someone originally appeared on About.com Dating on Monday, October 24th, 2011 at 01:41:21.
How Do I Ask Her Out?
Shawn asks: “I’ve started college and there’s a girl on my dorm floor that I really like. We don’t have any classes together, but we talk all the time in the common area. It’s at the point where I go to study in there just to see her, and then we end up talking for hours. The last time I saw her, she went on and on about some guy she had a crush on, but then found out he wasn’t old enough to drink so she wanted to move on. Am I in the friend zone, or is there some way I can ask her out?”
Bonny’s answer: There’s an easy way to find out if she’s open to dating you, and that’s by asking her point blank if she’d like to go on a date. The next time you see her, try something like, “I had a great time talking the other night. How about we do it again on Thursday, but this time over dinner?”
It’s simple, easy, and lets her say no if she’s not interested, doesn’t want to date someone who lives so close to her, or is still really interested in that other guy and just wanted your opinion on the matter. If she says no, you can assume it has nothing to do with you, and it saves you both from feeling embarrassed when you inevitably run into one another again. If she says yes, you know she’s interested – at least a little bit. But if you don’t ask at all? You’ll never know, and you’ll slide deeper and deeper into friends-only territory, with no hopes of ever getting past conversation starters alone.
There’s a Pick Up Artist (PUA) “rule” that you have to talk to a woman you’re interested in within a few seconds of seeing her. The longer you wait, the more difficult the introduction gets and the less chance you have of getting the girl. Now, I’m not asking you to start studying to become a PUA, but I am suggesting you keep this one tactic in mind when talking to this girl again. The longer you wait, the harder the approach, and the less chance you’ll have of dating her.
What do you think, dear readers? Would you give Shawn different advice, or do you agree with what I’ve said?
Related: College Dating, Pick Up Artist Blogs, Dinner and a Movie Date Ideas.
How Do I Ask Her Out? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Tuesday, October 11th, 2011 at 04:16:03.
Are There No ‘Real’ Dating Sites Left?
LJ posted a comment in the “Are There Any Legitimate Adult Dating Sites Left” blog post saying that “there are NO real dating sites left,” and then discussed DatingSiteBuilder.com, which creates a site from scratch for anyone willing to pay their $29.95+ fee. I started to reply in the comments, but then thought this conversation deserved a blog post all its own. Especially since the original post about adult dating sites spoke more toward the difficulty in meeting real people as opposed to fake bots, whereas this discussion focuses more on the databases dating sites use to show they have a large membership.
Here’s the thing: there are, literally, hundreds of companies providing similar services to DatingSiteBuilder.com. Anyone can buy a template dating site or dating site script. All it takes is some money (ranging from $20-several thousand, depending), a URL, and somewhere to host the site if the fee doesn’t already cover web hosting space. That isn’t to say that *all* dating sites use this tactic; most of the bigger players don’t, i.e. PlentyOfFish, Match.com, OkCupid, eHarmony, etc.
To confuse matters even more, many of the larger dating sites buy up smaller sites, or start new dating sites that look different, but share the same database of singles or members. Case in point: an email from a reader earlier this week, who wanted to tell me that Fling.com, Adult Friend Finder and Friend Finder all share the same member list. How did she find out? She paid for one of the more adult dating sites and unknowingly emailed Friend Finder subscribers, who had no idea their profiles were being shown on the casual sex sister-sites. I have to admit the reader was a tad lucky; she didn’t accidentally contact anyone from BigChurch, which is also owned by the same parent site, Penthouse.com. I’m not making fun of this reader, or anyone else who doesn’t know it’s common practice to “co-mingle” users from different sites. I’d be appalled if in the same situation, especially if I had moral convictions against BDSM (Alt.com, another Penthouse site) or casual sex (NoStringsAttached.com).
So what’s a single person to do? One who wants to know the dating site they signed up for doesn’t share databases with other companies they might not agree with, or want their information shared with? And, do any ‘real’ dating sites really exist anymore?
To answer the second question, first: yes, there are lots of ‘real’ dating sites, you just need to know how to look to find out – which answers the first question as well. The easiest way to find out if the site belongs to another, larger parent company? Scroll down to the very bottom of the dating site’s main/home page, and look for either a copyright notice (usually by the parent company) or a link for a Privacy Policy and/or Terms of Service. Any one of these three items will show who owns the dating site, and therefore who they probably share a database – or at the very least, drew their site layout from.
Let me use an example to show you. Match.com is a well-known dating site that owns many, many other dating sites. Most of the dating sites owned entirely by Match.com on their “Network” share a database. How can you tell? When you scroll down to the very bottom at Match.com, you’ll see the company is owned by “People Media.” Okay, so who are they? A quick Google search shows they are the parent company of Match.com, and others like BlackPeopleMeet.com. So I went to look at BlackPeopleMeet.com, and found out via their privacy page that, “Members of the Network Websites are part of the same online community and profiles on any Network Website are viewable on the other Network Websites and paying subscribers will be able to communicate with other paying subscribers on all Network Websites.” There are only a few exceptions to this network sharing dealio, such as OkCupid (who was bought out by Match.com earlier this year, but last I heard, still keeps all of its management, layout and membership base separate from Match.com.)
If I haven’t confused you entirely, I’d love to know: is it a problem for you if the dating site you use shares a database with other dating sites, even if those dating sites aren’t something you’d normally want an association with? Do you think there aren’t any ‘real’ dating sites left because of all this sharing, or…?
Are There No ‘Real’ Dating Sites Left? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Monday, October 10th, 2011 at 21:39:08.
Why Would She Choose a Casual Relationship Over a Serious One?
Scott wants to know what he can do about a woman he’s recently reunited with after a 30-year absence. She can’t decide between dating Scott – knowing he wants something long-term and potentially lifelong – and the casual, going-nowhere relationship she’s been in and out of for years.
For the details (as well as my in-depth answer) take a peek at Why Can’t She Decide Between a Casual Fling or Something More? In the meantime, what would you recommend to Scott, a gentleman who can’t fathom why a woman wouldn’t choose a long-term and stable relationship over an ongoing fling? Have you been in a similar position? What did you do?
Why Would She Choose a Casual Relationship Over a Serious One? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Wednesday, October 5th, 2011 at 00:55:10.
Should You Take a Dating Break?
Is there ever a good time to take a break from dating?
In a word, yes. Sometimes our priorities change, life throws us a curveball, or we start getting bitter, angry and/or jaded with the dating process. Re-evaluating whether or not we’re ready to date again can take a while, especially with busy lives, kids or other things that make our lives colorful yet, well, jam-packed.
Have you ever taken a break from dating? If so, why? When and how did you know it was time to start dating again?
Should You Take a Dating Break? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Tuesday, October 4th, 2011 at 04:16:46.